Climbing. Sigh.

I fail at climbing.  Which I would be perfectly okay with.  But it is not skill or strength or fitness level.  Sigh.
 
I don't climb to be the best climber in the whole wide world.  Or the gym.  Or even among a group of kids at a birthday party.  I climb because it's a fun way to workout, my husband loves it and it is a healthy way for us to spend time together.

I have no problems coming down off of a wall before I've reached the top.  Again, it's not about being the best, it's about having fun.  And if I am no longer having fun.  I stop. 

I will say that when I do push through my urges to come down in the middle of a route and finish, it feels really good.  I am really proud of myself and we celebrate.

When I come down off of the wall (from the top or not), Josh and I usually talk through how I did highlighting the good and pointing out the not-so-good.  I really enjoy these post-climb debriefs.  Despite my carefree attitude, I truly do want to become a better climber--I'm striving for average here.

So, what's holding me back?  Confidence.  I have a mental game that is kicking my butt.  I freak out mid-way up the wall which causes me to tense up...which causes me to tire out quickly...which causes me to not trust my body to hold onto the wall...which cause me to not be having fun...which causes me to come down.  I am sure it drives my husband absolutely batty.  :)

Anyways, today I got halfway up an easy wall that I had climbed before and with no explanation became super anxious.  I cannot explain it at all.  I tried to overcome it, but I was physically shaking.  I am not even afraid of falling.  I am in a harness tied into a rope.  But I was done.  I found that to be super frustrating because there was no reason.  In the past maybe a my foot would have slipped or something to make me nervous.  Nope.  I just freaked. 

I did redeem myself (to myself) by climbing a route and not giving up, making it to the top.

Ahhhhh climbing.  Sigh.